i'm sorta on a posting

i'm sorta on a posting rampage. not that it is any important stuff, but i have posted quite often recently. just finished watching almost famous, which i bought on dvd, and i must say it makes me feel sad, and hopeful at the same time. i know my friends are tired of hearing me say this, but i feel so unfullfilled. am i just a victim of hollywood? or is life supposed to be more than what i'm getting out of it? i'm planning on moving to vegas in the next few months, and i don't know if i'm running away from my life, and expecting it to be better somewhere, anywhere, else, or if i'm running towards something that i just don't know about, or just away from fargo. i look at what i'm doing here, and what i want to do, and i think i need some sort of kickstart, and i'm hoping that a change of scenery is what i need. i see shows about people living on islands, or on the beach, and i realize that the only thing that separates me from them is where i live. there are jobs all over, and they don't seem to be that different no matter where they are, so why not live in a location that is pleasing, and at least have that to look forward to. i guess that i should really be looking inside myself for happiness, and fulfillment, but i haven't been able to find it there before, and i've spent a long time looking. everything seems to have come pretty easy to me, and that leaves me with no drive, no all consuming passion. maybe we aren't supposed to have that, maybe it's a damn john hughes myth. but then, there are people who have that, and i want it. maybe it's the wanting it that is mr. hughes' fault, since maybe only a select few are born with the drive and talent to have and fulfill their dreams. it's not about money, it's about finding what you love to do. my problem is i'm unable to find what i love to do. it's like i have this need to express myself inside, and i haven't found a way to let it out, and the pressure just keeps building and building, and i don't have an outlet like painting, or music, or all consuming scientific research, or whatever.

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